Why Does Love have to Hurt so Bad?
by Whisper in the Night
Summary: (Well, I've decided to make this a one-shot, unless you guys protest against it.) Inuyasha must choose either Kikyou, or Kagome. He knows he would choose Kagome in a heartbeat, but he's still in debt to Kikyou.


Why Does Love have to Hurt so Bad?  
  
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Disclaimer: Well, I don't own Inuyasha, the cast, or the theme song. *Sniff* *Sniff* If I did, Kikyou would be burning in hell, and Inuyasha and Kagome would live happily ever after,  
  
and all memories of the wretched bitch, Kikyou, would be forgotten forever. But, as you probably know, none of that is happening... yet... so therefore, I most likely DON'T  
  
own Inuyasha.  
  
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Chapter One: My Love for You is Driving Me Insane  
  
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Inuyasha sat on one of the high branches of the God Tree, cursing quietly under his breath. A crescent moon was in the sky, illuminating his body, so that only the figure of his  
  
body could be seen. Kagome had once again run off to her own era, leaving him to wait for her to return, so that they could continue their quest for the Shikon no Tama. Sango,  
  
Miroku, and Shippou were sleeping back at Kaede's village, but Inuyasha refused to go. He always became grumpier whenever Kagome went back to her own time. Most would  
  
think that it was because Kagome's bright and cheerful spirit wasn't there to enlighten everyone else's spirits, but Inuyasha had a seperate reason, that . It was she kept deep  
  
inside himself, something he planned on telling Kagome sometime, yet her always tried to stall. He had already had many opportunities to tell her, but something always held  
  
him back.  
  
The real reason Inuyasha became mad when Kagome left, was because, truthfully.... he was in love with her. When she left, he missed seeing her face that resembled that of  
  
a goddess', and her scent that spread warmth into the blood that flowed through his very veins. Though he may hide his true feelings for her behind rude comments and insults,  
  
they were still there, threatening to burst out into the open at any given moment. One would think he would be releaved when Kagome went back to her era, for the pressure of  
  
his feelings would be lifted for that short amount of time, but really, his heart ached with every beat that she wasn't around. There was one thing that kept Inuyasha from  
  
expressing his feelings, and it also happened to be his greatest fear... rejection. If he told her how he felt, what if she rejected his love? didn't give love back? What if she went  
  
back to her own time, never to return again? How could he live with that? All of those questions pondered his mind whenever he had time to himself. Sweet, loving Kagome...  
  
How could he survive if she wasn't there to tame his soul? It was simple... he couldn't.  
  
Kagome was the first person to TRULY except him for who he was. She was the first person to realize that there was something much deeper in his soul, than the unbreakable  
  
shield of cruelty he put around himself. She was the one who was able to get past the shield. Yet there was something blocking Inuyasha from ever being able to freely love  
  
Kagome... Kikyou. Did he ever truly LOVE Kikyou? Did she really ever LOVE him? She was always either trying to get closer to him, or trying to kill him or Kagome... though  
  
Inuyasha would risk his own life before anyone laid a hand on Kagome. Though whatever Kikyou's feelings towards Inuyasha were, none of it mattered. Inuyasha was eternally  
  
in debt to Kikyou. He knew he didn't love her. He used to, but not any longer. He didn't love the empty shell that resembled her. No. That wasn't the Kikyou he remembered.  
  
The Kikyou he knew was kind, loving, and someone he could imagine himself living with forever. Not any more though. How could he live with that spiritless figure? There was  
  
no way she could ever take the place of his feelings for Kagome. His feelings for Kagome were more powerfull than any other feelings he'd felt before. She'd taught him how  
  
to trust again, and he trusted her for that. He trusted that she would always be there with him, holding his hand, and keeping him... REAL. She was the one that calmed him  
  
from his blood-thirsty, youkai form, and brought him back to sanity, in his hanyou self. She excepted him even though he wasn't full human, or full demon. She liked him best  
  
as a half-demon. He felt safe with her around, as did she with him. But when Kagome left to her own time, it seemed that the warmth she brought to him, vanished. He always  
  
clung to her sweet scent that drifted in the air after she left, but when it was gone, her missing presence drove him insane.  
  
Another thought came to Inuyasha's mind. What would happen once the Shikon no Tama was complete? Would she go back home to her era, or would she stay here with  
  
him? He was almost positive that she would stay here, but there was always the threatening thought that said she would go back to live with her family, and lead a normal  
  
life. How could he live if she left? If she DID leave, Inuyasha knew what would become of himself. He would become the empty, blood-thirsty, youkai, that tormented his soul.  
  
Why did he have to be born with such a life? He would never be excepted by most humans, and all full demons would mock and ridicule him for his tainted blood. At first, he  
  
wanted the Shikon no Tama to become a human, so he could live with Kikyou, and then later, he decided he wanted it to become a full youkai, but now, he didn't know what  
  
he wanted. If he chose to become a human, there would be no point to it. He didn't need to do that for Kikyou anymore, because her spirit was no longer within her, but in  
  
Kagome, and he knew that Kagome wouldn't want him to become a human over his hanyou form. If he chose to become a full fledged demon, would he turn into the  
  
emotionless being he normally transformed into? There would be no telling what he would do to the ones he cared for... to Kagome. No, there was no way he would turn himself  
  
into a full youkai if it meant hurting the ones he cared for, and most importantly, Kagome. He didn't know what to do. There would be no point into becoming a human, and  
  
everyone would hate him if he became a full fledged demon. The best thing he could do, was to stay his hanyou self. Sure he was made fun of be others because he was half  
  
human, but the care and comfort he recieved from Kagome made up for it. But Kagome would eventually die, and her spirit would be reincarnated into that of another person.  
  
Inuyasha would once again have no one. He wouldn't have Sango or Miroku either, for they were also human, and their time would eventually come. That would leave Shippou,  
  
but the way Inuyasha saw it, Shippou was an annoying pest and not someone he could call a friend. Somehow, Shippou reminded Inuyasha of Myouga, the cowardly and  
  
annoying flea. Once his friends were gone, he would be alone again, with nothing to look forward to in life. If only she were a hanyou like himself... if only.  
  
Somehow, within all of the thoughts running through Inuyasha's mind, sleep overtook him. It was a restless sleep, filled with images of Kikyou, the Shikon no Tama,  
  
Naraku... and Kagome. Sweet, innocent Kagome, the one he secretly vowed to tell his true feelings to. When would the opportunity arise? Would it ever come again? And if  
  
it did, what if he let it slip by? How could he live without one day, telling her about all the feelings he kept bottled up inside himself? It felt as if his heart would explode each  
  
time he had to force himself to insult her, just to cover up his demonic appearence. To be a demon, meant to show no emotions. And that was hard, since human blood ran  
  
through his veins. And on the one night of the month, where he transformed into a human, he knew that was when he should tell her, but something always kept him from  
  
saying it, something that just wouldn't allow himself to do it.  
  
Inuyasha woke early the next morning, as the sun was just appearing on the horizon. He had made up his mind. He was going to tell Kagome how he felt, as soon as she  
  
got back. He was going to let go of his feelings that had been a burden to him since the day he met her. He had to tell her, even though he knew there would be no way he  
  
could ever be with her, because of that one other person... Kikyou. 


End file.
